uncertain reality.

how did we come to be, how did all this happen. what are we, where are we. is this only a dream. am i even real. i feel, i sense, i hurt, but still i dont believe. everything seems like a hullucination.

i dont know when i'll awake from this dream, i wonder what awaits me there.

man the ALMIGHTY

Is man the sole protector of the universe. Do we have the right to promote ourselves as the greater being and the saviour of all those who we feel are lesser then us.
What makes us so special, our brain, our ability to think and reason, or the fact that we can communicate those thoughts in signs which have been given meaning. How do we justify are stand that man should be taken into consideration above all other creatures. How did we come up with the theory that our sufferings are far more greater than a mere fly's.
Evolution as it stands today has only proven that mans touch is cursed. Everything that has been revolutionary has ultimately lead some sort of destruction. We brag about science and technology and how it is the future, all the inventions that come about to make man's life better, everything created in the name of betterment of life, how essential are they, why has our species become so self centered.
If we are so superior and far sighted then why is it that we haven't solved the problems of the world. Infact every year we only seem to create so many new ones. It is a never ending catastrophe. As long as we hold ourselves superior we will only look at ourselves and ignore those who are also very essential for the survival of this earth and nature will belt out its fury in protest.

my conviction

hello, after much dilebration i have decided to give this another try. its not easy to let go of all your inhibitions and out yourself out there for everyone to read and judge, its scary infact. but a time comes when you have to let go of everything that is past and decided to to move. this is my time and i just hope i dont chicken out in the process.

Me ves y sufres (you see me, and suffer)

‘Blind, dumb shit,’ he spits, his breath like hot sandpaper in my ear. ‘Where’s this God you talk about? You think a caring intelligence would wipe out babies from hunger, watch decent folk scream and burn and bleed every second of the day and night? That ain’t no God. Just fuckin people. You stuck with the rest of us in this snake-pit of human wants, wants frustrated and calcified into needs, achin and raw.’
The outburst takes me aback. ‘Everybody needs something,’ I mutter.
‘then don’t come cryin to me becausen you got in the way of another man’s needs.’
‘But, Lasalle . . .’
‘Why you think the world chewin its own legs off? Becausen the goodies are right there, but we can’t fuckin get’em. Why can’t we get’em? Becausen the market for propmises need us not to. That ain’t the work of God. That’s human work, animals who dreamed up an outside God to take the heat.’ Lasalle pokes a trembling lip at my face. ‘Wise the fuck up. Intermingling needs make this world go round. Serve that intermingling, and you needs can get fulfilled. Ever hear say, “Give the people what they want?”’
‘Sure, but – where’s that leave God?’
‘Boy you really missed the boat. I’ll make it simple, so’s even fuckin you can understand. Papa God growed us up till we could wear long pants; then he licensed his name to dollar bills, left some car keys on the table, and got the fuck outta town.’ Water rushes to his eye-holes. ‘Don’t be lookin up at no sky for help. Look down here, at us twisted dreamers.’ He takes hold of my, spins me around, and punches me towards the mirror on the wall. ‘You’re the God. Take responsibility. Exercise your power.’ …….


‘But Lasalle, was that like – the secret of life?’
He tuts and shakes his head as the group march him to the door.
‘I mean – what’s the practical . . .?’
He holds a hand up to the gaurds. They stop. ‘You mean, how do you do it? Big yourself up – watch any animal for clues. As for us humans – check this . . .’ he pulls a lighter from his pocket, and motions us to hush. He clicks the lighter once, softly, then cranes an ear towards the toilet cubicles, where the other con still sits out of sight. After a moment, you hear rustling in the cubicle. Then a lighter clicks inside. We watch a puff of smoke rise up, as the con drags on a cigarette he didn’t even know he wanted. The power of suggestion. Lasalle turns to me with a smile, and clicks his lighter in the air. ‘Learn their needs, and they’ll dance to any fuckin tune you play.’
- VERNON GOD LITTLE by DBC Pierre

if you haven't read the book yet i suggest you get it and read it.

The Beauty of Life

Uh….. I love the smell of water on dry mud. It’s so beautiful. The smell is not pleasant like that of flowers but there is something about it that puts a smile on my face. It’s very calming and soothing, a very happy fragrance. I can’t help but smile. I can still smell it from my garden. Hmmmmm…….. I feel so happy. I was so grouchy the whole day. And to think that one small and simple thing like a fragrance could make it all better.

It always turns out like that, doesn’t it? When you feel like nothing in the world can make you feel better either because you are so mad, or just having a bad day then something very trivial, like a sound or a face or just anything very unexpected could make you forget everything and just feel very happy. And for no reason too, like you’re drugged or something (not that I know what taking drugs feels like). Your mind feels so peaceful and clear, all your worries are put away and you just want to look around you and take in everything. ‘You just want to Live for the Moment’. Like right now I can see dusk approaching outside my window and it’s so beautiful. I don’t think I have ever watched the sunset in Bangalore. It never occurred to me. We always go to hill stations or beaches to see such things. I’m sure the sunset here will be just as good as anywhere else.

Right now I just want a glass of hot tea and sit on my terrace and sip it while I watch all the birds fly towards their nest until it becomes completely dark and the mosquitoes start biting.

I love this world. It’s filled with so many beautiful and absolutely fabulous creations. Its things like these that make me feel glad I’m still alive.

The Irony of Life

Life is such a weird thing. We have it but still that in it self is not enough to want to make us live it. We are always searching for meaning, something that will motivate us to live, to go on. It’s like an addiction. In the beginning just a little will do but then as we grow up we need more from life until you reach a state when no matter what you’re not satisfied. So you keep working and motivating yourself, until one day you stop and look back and see that everything you ever did was a waste. Everything was meaningless and you’ve let life slip through your fingers doing things that never made you happy.

I’ve always believed that the only way to live is by being happy, anything else is just not worth it. Yes we need financial stability (actually if you think about it we really wouldn’t need that too if people hadn’t given it so much importance), we need a roof over our heads and food to eat. But does this mean we succumb to materialism and forget to ‘Live’. After all isn’t this what drives people today. Everyone wants the best of everything no matter how unhappy they become in the process of achieving it. Everywhere all around us people live such monotonous lives, void of substance, just lives that reflect the other.

You know what the funny thing is, man evolved through the years to better himself from the animal. But in the end it’s us who ended up being miserable whereas they still continue living life being content with what they have.

A Big Mess

Oh my God. You would think that with all the publicity this film got it would be this really great contemporary movie. What was the writier thinking when he designed that end. It was more like he was out of ideas and for the sake of ending it just came up with something. Don't get me wrong the whole film was not one big mess, there were some really great moments in the movie. The way in which the whole idea of patriotism was potrayed was really good. But the ending really destroyed it for me. It neither made any sense nor was it feasible. I truly believe that people really need to ponder on this one fact when attempting to create something. The movie just gives you false hopes, it builds up on the theme of patriotism and at the end comes out looking like this big plan which went kaput.